Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
