so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
