There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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