She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize