the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
