i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
