my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
vagina is talking i cant
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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