but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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