My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
