Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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