i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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