I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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