do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
