Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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