so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
