Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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