All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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