What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
