It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
third nipple confirmed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
