he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize