I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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