piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
