i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
