So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
