I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
