You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
