Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
