Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
