You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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