Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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