literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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