508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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