mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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