well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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