I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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