i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
