My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
