Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
