Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
