You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
