If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
