she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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