It's like God shit irony all over that family
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
