I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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