Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
