Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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