the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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