I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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