She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think I have vodka in my lungs
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
