Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
