my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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