Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
