he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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