Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so explain again why im purple
no
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
