Your dad touched me again.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
