My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
