I CAN MOONWALK!
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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