Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
