my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She bit a glass in half.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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