tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
