True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
