I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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