You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you had me at cake vodka
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
