The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
