He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
