By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
