do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
