i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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