i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
