I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
