Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
